We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie – “real questions, terrible advice.”
The Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her/their way at [email protected] or fill this out, anonymously.
Dear Oppy.
Now that I’m done with recruiting, what should I do with all my new free time? I’m so used to having a ridiculously packed schedule, and now I’m bored.
Best,
Aimless & Bored
Dear Aimless,
The answer is clear: Start looking for a new job.
Look, you’re an MBA. You just ramped up your entire life for on-campus recruiting. Everything has been “Go, Go, Go!” for months now and you probably just don’t know how to slow down. Who cares if you finally landed that high-paying gig at McKinsey with the $15,000 signing bonus you’ve always wanted? You didn’t go to business school to get a job. You came here to fill the gaping void that has left you an emotionally hollowed out shell for years as you desperately search for purpose in life. Now that you’ve found a job, that search is over.
Feel fulfilled? Didn’t think so.
You have virtually no choice but to tell the partners at McKinsey to stick it where the financial modeling don’t shine and dust off your casing handbook. If spending more time training to solve a corporation’s problems without help, a calculator, and only 20 minutes doesn’t leave you fulfilled with your reality, Dear Oppy doesn’t know what will.
Best,
Oppy
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Dear Oppy,
How do I spice things up in the bedroom if I’m sleeping on my accounting book?
Best,
Counting Celibacy
Dear Celibacy,
First things first. Your accounting class sounds like it was much more exciting than Dear Oppy’s was. But, I mean, I get it. Cost of goods sold and amortized depreciation are f*cking hot. Dear Oppy is relieved to hear it’s not the only one that gets a little toasty under the collar when it thinks about growing owner’s equity.
That said, finding someone open-minded enough to explore cash flows requires trust. It’s important to remember that going through an exploratory phase is healthy and natural. It’s not uncommon to get curious and experiment with your balance sheet. Also, like, that book can probably be used as a prop for some positions, but the standards and practices at The Oppy won’t let me print a diagram here. Just remember that if you want to share your accounting book with a partner, it needs to be someone who is willing to take that journey, someone who is willing to earn your income or open to putting accounts receivable in that place you were always curious about but were afraid to ask.
Or failing all that, just someone who won’t report you to the IRS. Honestly, that’s probably the most important thing.
Best,
Oppy
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Dear Oppy,
How do I tell Stacy Chen to choose me over J?
Best,
Infatuated MBA2
Dear Infatuated MBA2,
Dear Oppy is not touching this question with a ten-foot pole.
Best,
Oppy
Photo credit: Queen of Corporate
