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Dear Oppy: December 20214 min read

We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie – “real questions, terrible advice.”

The Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her/their way at [email protected] or fill this out, anonymously.

Dear Oppy,

Attending DBis and developing DBi boyfriends was my No. 1 dating strategy. When will they finally come back!?


No date since March 2020

Dear No date,

First of all, allow me to compliment you on your enterprising nature and your efficiency. Romance, international travel, and developing critical business skills all in one 1.5-credit span? Remarkable attempt at killing multiple birds with limited stones. Truly.

That said, I would question what kind of ROI you’re planning to get from that strategy. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Dear Oppy learned from their Birthright trip to Israel that literally all “romantic” entanglements that develop on short-term international trips lead to long-term love. That’s a fact. Just look at Stefanie, who I think is, uh, a teacher now? I’m not sure, but the point is we’ll always have that connection. So, you know, kudos to you on that front.

I would however question this strategy because business school doesn’t last forever. Sooner or later you’re going to be forced to leave with your 60 credits and $140,000 piece of heavy stock paper, which means you may not have that many chances to find Sternie love abroad even if DBis make their return. After all, DBis for this Spring appear to tentatively still be on the books, but as someone who has already had two separate DBis canceled under the specter of Covid, I would be hesitant to assume DBi Kazakhstan is going off without a hitch. Who can guess what scientists will or won’t know about the Euripides variant that’s flying around by the time we hit March?

Basically, what I’m saying is maybe you shouldn’t have booked your flight to Almaty yet, and maybe you should look for new paths to love. Like Speed Dating. That’s always a worthwhile use of time.



Dear Oppy,

It’s starting to feel like the pandemic will never end. How scared should I be of Omicron?


Locked Down Forever

Dear Locked Down,

After about 20 months of this, I think it’s totally normal to be scratching at the walls or wondering if we’ll ever be able to casually enter KMC without a mask on. And there are legitimate reasons to question the continued need for such extreme precautions. After all, every student and faculty member allowed in the building has been required to submit proof of vaccination to the school, and if students are also ultimately required to show proof that we’ve all received boosters as well, one should think we’re reasonably protected from severe illness even if breakthrough cases are inevitable.

I’m not sure how comfortable I feel espousing that point of view like it’s gospel, but the discussion is worth having, as is the discussion of just how scared we should be of Omicron. After all, the push notifications you’ve received that say “We don’t know if vaccines will work against Omicron” could just as easily say “We have no reason to think vaccines won’t work against Omicron.” No one knows anything, and the evidence is certainly starting to verge toward the latter. After all, as of this past weekend, Omicron is confirmed to have been the variant in a grand total of zero deaths worldwide.

For my money, the far bigger Omicron threat is almost certainly the tyrannical ruler Lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 8. He basically destroys and eats humans at will! That is some scary sh*t. For real.

Maybe if we’re going to keep locking ourselves down we can be productive. Collect all the outstanding episodes of Single Female Lawyer and prepare for the threat that Lrrr will inevitably pose. That’s my plan. At least until we can take our masks off indoors. Once that happens, I, like most of America, plan to show how little I’ve learned and pretend this never happened.


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