We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie – “real questions, terrible advice.”
I find myself in a particularly precarious position as Fall Ball approaches. I am in love with another Sternie and I want to ask him to be my date.
Being in love with this Sternie has been particularly difficult as I am trying to get a job at his workplace…which rhymes with Shmoogle. We’re both from California, are close friends, and I love that he’s always the life of the party. I think he felt the same way about me, until an incident about a month ago when I accidentally started a small fire in his apartment.
Do you think I should ask my fellow classmate to prom? Is it okay given how frequently we see each other? Can he get past my slight indiscretion? Should I or should I not light something on fire in my prom-posal?
Dear Heartburn, ehhhh, I mean Burning Heart,
You know what they say: “the more extra the gesture, the more likely the positive outcome.” And starting fires is the 2021 version of sliding in the DMs. After all, 2020/2021 have been a dumpster fire.
So, this is what you do… Have you ever watched The Hunger Games? You can probably see where I’m going with this. Remember in Catching Fire when Katniss’ dress goes up in flames? You too can set your dress on fire when you pop that big question. All you need is a gown you don’t mind burning and about a gallon of gasoline. (FYI, gas is currently priced about $3.30 per gallon. Looked it up for ya.) Because you met at Stern, it would probably be best if you did it on campus…common ground, literally and figuratively, you know? Plus, they are on top of it with the fire extinguishers in KMC.
Seeing fire will at first trigger the memories he has of you from last month when he saw his apartment going up in flames. However, then fire will become associated with a positive memory: you risking your life and NYU property to perform an extreme but romantic gesture.
Lastly, remember the acronym P.A.S.S. It’s pull the pin, aim, squeeze, and sweep. Might be easier if you have your prom date to help you with this. He’ll hopefully have said yes by time you need assistance.
Best of luck,