We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie – “real questions, terrible advice.”
Dear Oppy,
I am about to graduate next week, and I’ve been seeing a fellow graduating MBA student on and off for the past couple years. I’m staying in NYC and he’s moving to the West Coast. I don’t know if I should continue to try and make it work or call it. Help!
Sincerely,
Hopeful
Dear Hopeful,
Our whole MBA experience has been online and Stern believes that has been just as valuable as in-person school, so just schedule a bi-weekly Zoom meeting, and you’ll be good to go. Bonus points if you spend 200 grand on the relationship.
Best,
Oppy
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Dear Oppy,
As a regular reader of Stern Singles, I often look for it to give me hope that we can find human connection in a dim, socially distanced world. But I noticed the only success story I’ve seen so far is a Stern Singles subject who ended up dating her interviewer. What gives? Are we just destined to end up desperate and alone, aimlessly drifting through the universe on this lonely rock that is insignificant on an interstellar scale, while forced to confront the very notion that existence carries no purpose and all human contact is, at its core, artificial and without meaning? Or will you single Sternies get after it already and ask out some of these hot, available business titans to be?
Sincerely,
Ask Each Other Out Already
Dear “Ask Each Other Out Already,”
I understand your concerns and also yearn for the days we could cling to Dean Sundaram’s insistence that 10% of Sternies meet their spouses while in their MBA Program. I think we need to understand the restrictions the past year of socially-distanced shutdowns has placed on everyone. Remember that it will take each of us time to grow comfortable with in-person interaction again after 15 months of being convinced literally any handshake would accidentally kill us. However, as we at The Oppy are also impatient to hear some juicy gossip, we are planning to start a new feature called Stern Setups. The gambit? We take two Sternies — any two Sternies — and throw them in a bar together and at least get them to think about it for a few minutes. Will they have anything in common? Who knows. Will they even both be single? Who cares. Let’s be frank, this is as much for our entertainment as it is for their romantic future. If there’s a bad relationship that started at Off the Wagon, we haven’t heard of it. So let’s order some beers and some appetizers and see how it goes. The couple can order some drinks and snacks, too.
Best,
Oppy
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Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her/their way at [email protected] or fill this out, anonymously.
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