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Dear Oppy: December 20202 min read

We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie.

Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her way at [email protected].

Dear Oppy,

There is this guy in my 6:30pm branding class and I can’t even figure out what block he’s in. He’s super weird; always in a suit or biz casual, and I’m pretty sure recruiting is done. He’s impossible to schedule group meetings with, refuses to meet during the day, and barely even contributes to the GroupMe banter. Who does he think he is? He’s a little old for an MBA, kinda sketch. Anyway, we have a deliverable coming up and I’m randomly assigned to be his breakout roommate in DBi Zoom. What do I do?


Not Even EQ

Dear Not Even EQ,

Congratulations! You’ve spotted the elusive Sternicus Langonus, known commonly as Langoner or part-time student. Sightings such as these, rare in the first year at Stern, are increasingly common. 

Not unlike urban coyotes (which are frequently mistaken for dogs), Langone students appear at first glance like normal Sternies. However, these wily classmates only emerge at dusk, typically around 6pm, to feed, frolic, and advance their careers through night classes. Unlike a coyote, however, it is perfectly safe to approach a Langoner! You can gently coax your new classmate into group work using the part-timer’s favorite foods – beer. Try sending a calendar invite and a saucer of beer in a study room, taking care not to spook him. With a little perseverance, he will be chatting away and telling you about his job/kids/marathon obsession in no time! As for DBi Zoom, the “leave” button is always a good safety net.




Dear Oppy,

I’m trying to figure out the perfect outfit for my upcoming dinner party. Do I go with the sharp light blue shirt and maroon cardigan combo, or the more relaxed jeans and casual-but-trendy tee? And don’t even get me started about shoes! Either way, I need to dress to impress.  What do you suggest?


Fashion Forward 

Dear Fashion,

WTF? Perfect outfit?? IT’S 2020 AND YOU’RE ASKING ABOUT YOUR OUTFIT? Who the fuck are you? Shoes? Who wears fucking shoes? The world has been wearing sweats for like six months!! 

Also, dinner party? Are you serving Masque Flambé with a side of COVID paired with a nice bottle of Cotes-de-Corhone-19? WTF is wrong with you, you super spreading dumbass? You’re the reason Fauci said it’s a surge on top of the surge, I’d wager.

To answer your question – go with the cardigan and cancel the whole thing and eat ramen alone like the rest of us. 


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