We are proud to introduce our inaugural agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie.
Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her way at [email protected].
Dear Oppy,
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, keeps using the term “pivot.” Half the time they use the term incorrectly and I just want them to slap them until they pivot into some sense. Please help so I don’t actually slap anyone…
Sincerely,
Kvetching in Kimmel
Dear Kvetching,
While it can be frustrating to hear your classmates misuse or overuse a term, you must remember that “pivot” won MBA Word of the Year in 2019 and 2018…and it’s looking like a forerunner in 2020 too. Part of the reason for going to B-school is to use general terms that vaguely, yet convincingly, describe the unknown.
For example, which sounds better? “I went to a prestigious business school to pivot from marketing into the finance sector by specializing in finance, fintech, and financial instruments.”
Or… “I applied and got into NYU, just made the cutoff, I think. Don’t really know what I want to do with my life, and I didn’t like marketing. But this guy in my orientation said that Stern is known for finance so might pick some specializations with that in the name.”
By using a blanket term, like “pivot,” you are covering all your bases. So please don’t slap anyone. Otherwise, you might find yourself pivoting into a mandated anger-management course.
Happy pivoting!
Your MBA advisor,
Oppy
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Dear Oppy,
I have multiple offers and I can’t decide what to do! I’ve narrowed it down to my top three: Goldman, Google, and McKinsey! I really love the job roles and the people in all three. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Blessed in B-School
Dear Blessed in B-School,
Die.
Love, Literally. Everyone.
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Overheard at Beer Blast…we mean Stern Social:
Dear Oppry,
Like, I mean, how is this even $15. Itss, I am I am barely even drunk but f*ck recruiting. Deloiddd is such bull anyway.
– Blasted
Dear Blasted,
Dude! Screw recruiting, man! Those guys don’t even know. I heard a guy from 2018 saying…
“HEY BRITTANY!! I THOUGHT YOU WEREN’T COMING! Ah, we gotta figure out when we’re meeting to put that thing together. Let’s get you a beer! Wait, do you know Jam- I mean, Blasted?”
Best,
Dear Oppy
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Dear Oppy,
Should I be concerned about Coronavirus?
Thanks,
Coran-a-Scared!
Dear Coron-a-Scared,
Of course not! With some simple precautions, you and your family can be perfectly safe.
- Use hand sanitizer before eating, especially after going out in public places. Make sure to wash your hands plenty, too!
- Divert all your cash into one easy to access account.
- If you’re feeling ill, check into a clinic. It won’t be long now!
- If you’re healthy, obtain the biggest rental car you can afford. Stock it with masks, hand sanitizer, soap, water, gasoline, and food. Any brand will do!
- Using the Holland Tunnel, navigate to I-280 and merge onto I-80. Continue westward, taking care to avoid Chicago during rush hour.
- In Creston, Wyoming, take exit 187 to WY-789 south to the Colorado border, just beyond Baggs and onwards to CO-13. Head west on County Road 4.
- There we shall rebuild. Come alone.
- Be sure to drink lots of fluids!
Your healthcare connoisseur,
Oppy
Photo credit: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/parenting/real-reason-todays-children-unhappy/
