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Dear Oppy: March Edition

We are proud to introduce our inaugural agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie.

Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her way at oppy@stern.nyu.edu.

Dear Oppy,

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, keeps using the term “pivot.” Half the time they use the term incorrectly and I just want them to slap them until they pivot into some sense. Please help so I don’t actually slap anyone…

Sincerely,

Kvetching in Kimmel

Dear Kvetching,
While it can be frustrating to hear your classmates misuse or overuse a term, you must remember that “pivot” won MBA Word of the Year in 2019 and 2018…and it’s looking like a forerunner in 2020 too. Part of the reason for going to B-school is to use general terms that vaguely, yet convincingly, describe the unknown. 

For example, which sounds better? “I went to a prestigious business school to pivot from marketing into the finance sector by specializing in finance, fintech, and financial instruments.” 

Or… “I applied and got into NYU, just made the cutoff, I think. Don’t really know what I want to do with my life, and I didn’t like marketing. But this guy in my orientation said that Stern is known for finance so might pick some specializations with that in the name.”

By using a blanket term, like “pivot,” you are covering all your bases. So please don’t slap anyone. Otherwise, you might find yourself pivoting into a mandated anger-management course. 

Happy pivoting!
Your MBA advisor,

Oppy

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Dear Oppy, 

I have multiple offers and I can’t decide what to do! I’ve narrowed it down to my top three: Goldman, Google, and McKinsey! I really love the job roles and the people in all three. What do I do?

Sincerely,

Blessed in B-School

Dear Blessed in B-School, 

Die.

Love, Literally. Everyone.

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Overheard at Beer Blast…we mean Stern Social:

Dear Oppry,

Like, I mean, how is this even $15. Itss, I am I am barely even drunk but f*ck recruiting. Deloiddd is such bull anyway.

Blasted

Dear Blasted,

Dude! Screw recruiting, man! Those guys don’t even know. I heard a guy from 2018 saying…

“HEY BRITTANY!! I THOUGHT YOU WEREN’T COMING! Ah, we gotta figure out when we’re meeting to put that thing together. Let’s get you a beer! Wait, do you know Jam- I mean, Blasted?” 

Best,

Dear Oppy

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Dear Oppy,

Should I be concerned about Coronavirus?

Thanks,

Coran-a-Scared!

Dear Coron-a-Scared,
Of course not! With some simple precautions, you and your family can be perfectly safe.

  1. Use hand sanitizer before eating, especially after going out in public places. Make sure to wash your hands plenty, too!
  2. Divert all your cash into one easy to access account.
  3. If you’re feeling ill, check into a clinic. It won’t be long now!
  4. If you’re healthy, obtain the biggest rental car you can afford. Stock it with masks, hand  sanitizer, soap, water, gasoline, and food. Any brand will do!
  5. Using the Holland Tunnel, navigate to I-280 and merge onto I-80. Continue westward, taking care to avoid Chicago during rush hour.
  6. In Creston, Wyoming, take exit 187 to WY-789 south to the Colorado border, just beyond Baggs and onwards to CO-13. Head west on County Road 4.
  7. There we shall rebuild. Come alone.
  8. Be sure to drink lots of fluids!

Your healthcare connoisseur,

Oppy

Photo credit: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/parenting/real-reason-todays-children-unhappy/

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