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THE STERN OPPORTUNITY

Stern to roll out new COVID vaccine from Endless Frontier Labs. Looking for volunteers. Participants will have free entry to next Stern Social.

Endless Frontier Labs (EFL) is a nine-month program at Stern focused on maximizing the potential of massively-scalable science and deep technology startups. As per the website, “common EFL life science verticals include therapeutics, biotechnology, medical devices, advanced chemistry, drug discovery and other inventions that address major needs in healthcare.” Not to be outdone by Moderna, Pfizer and Johnson & Johnson, or even the likes of Astrazeneca, with its falsified results, EFL decided to create its own COVID vaccine.

With the Sosnoff Lounge and Cafe in KMC vacant this past year, EFL had the perfect location to brew its potion. And with the previous Beer Blast tent turned into a COVID testing center in Gould Plaza, there was plenty of viral matter to be utilized from the “1%” of positive student tests.…

Stern Singles Presents: MBA – Married But Available

The Oppy is very proud to announce our newest feature: “Married But Available.”

Did you come to Stern to have a good time? Are you trying to relive the good ol’ college days – although it’s been over ten years since you’ve graduated and you’ve now settled down and have said your vows? Well married friends, then this is the feature for you! Because we’re not here for a long time, we are here for a GOOD time. 

We, at The Oppy, do not discriminate. Therefore, we have deemed it unethical to only feature single students in our Stern Singles feature and neglect all those with wedding bands.…

Operation CATFISH catches dozens of students flouting Covid safety in dating app profiles

They thought they were safe. Social media blackout? Check. VPN? Check. Blood pact of secrecy? Check.

Nobody was supposed to find out about Mexico (or Miami or DR or Austin or Jamaica). Lips and phones were sealed. Detox was quiet for a while.

Alas, #roséseason is around the corner and springtime lust cannot be contained forever. The dating apps were calling, and those pre-quarantine profiles needed a little touch up. What better way to show off thirteen months of apartment-floor pushups than some fresh photos in the Tijuana sun?

But the University was ready. They saw what happened to CBS.…

Students call for Oppy to be cancelled after controversial “Dear Oppys.” Mob of Zoomers come to editorial meeting.

Last month, Oppy board members feared for their lives as angry protesters entered their editorial meeting. Who were these protesters? How did they get into their Zoom meeting? Why were they using scented candles as torches? Why did that one man expose himself? The questions were countless and many remain unanswered, but here is what we know…

The mob, including a mix of full-time and Langone students, formed in response to some “tasteless and falsified ‘Dear Oppy’ responses,” stated an MBA1 student. “We didn’t know the advice was meant to be a joke. We thought it was coming from Stern administration.…

Nocturnal Bernie Sanders Visits Prompt 50% Reduction in Stern Tuition Starting 2022

In an unexplained turn of events that can only be described as supernatural, NYU Stern’s academic administration this week announced a shocking 50% reduction in tuition, starting Fall 2022. The announcement comes just months after NYU shared its decision to increase tuition by 3.5%, citing financial hardship as a result of the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic. 

According to the MBA-focused news outlet Poets&Quants, NYU’s renowned MBA program has the second-highest price tag in the world. What occasioned this shocking, groundbreaking reversal? Dear readers, you could not even guess this if you tried. 

As the story goes, about one month ago, all 12 members of NYU Stern’s Tuition Committee were visited in the night by progressive politician Bernie Sanders.…

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