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Posts published in “Volume 57”

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo named as Spring 2021 Commencement Speaker

In a somewhat head-turning announcement, Stern School of Business Dean Raghu Sundaram announced Thursday that current Governor of New York State Andrew Cuomo would be given an honorary doctorate of business administration this May while speaking at Stern’s 2021 Commencement.

“We at Stern often look to global luminaries that play pivotal roles in society for our commencement speakers,” Sundaram said in a statement Thursday. “Over the past 12 months, Gov. Cuomo has proven himself a true leader in the fight against Covid-19. His entrance onto the national political stage has been a shining example to our students, and his reputation has remained untarnished under the bright lights of the media microscope.”…

Stern to Start Non-Profit Specialization: Pay 240k to learn how to earn nothing

At 27 specializations, Stern School of Business offers one of the largest selections of elective options among top MBA programs. Beginning in the Fall 2021 semester, you can add one more to the list.

Drawing inspiration from Gen Z’s cancel culture, the school anticipates fleecing future do-gooders, or as Stern administrators put it, “filling a gap.” It is the only program of its kind and the first non-profit-focused MBA in the world. While typically seen as the knife-at-a-gun-fight of top MBA programs, Stern is thrilled to finally be number one – and for something so necessary.

As Associate Dean of MBA Admissions and Program Innovation, Isser Gallogly, told The New York Times, “Today’s f*cked climate of bigotry, disease, greed, and literal f*cked climate presents a growing need for the selflessness of non-profits to act as a bandaid.”…

Former President Trump to join Stern as adjunct faculty

Citing his impressive track record of “zero actual days spent in jail” and “a ‘definitely real’ cover of TIME Magazine he showed us,” the Stern School of Business announced Thursday that former President Donald Trump would serve as an adjunct professor this Summer. Trump, who will be teaching one section of Professional Responsibility, is said to be very excited for the role, which he will definitely show up for and plans to teach with his trademark preparation.

“It’s going to be the biggest course ever,” Trump said Thursday. “I heard someone say the other day I’m going to teach the most responsible professional course ever.…

Budweiser Boat Trapped in Suez Canal to transform into Floating Bar

Budweiser’s flagship transport vessel, the Everbeer, became wedged sideways in Egypt’s Suez Canal last week. As it has become increasingly apparent that the boat will not be able to move, a group of activists has spearheaded an initiative to transform the eyesore into a beer garden and restaurant, a la Frying Pan at Pier 66.

The group of activists, backed by Kendall Jenner, are eager to get the EverBeerGarden open for business and are working with officials in Egypt about acquiring ownership of the canal. According to a source close to The Oppy, the goal is to privatize the Suez Canal and auction portions of it via NFTs.…

Stern to transition to fully online program

Citing the fun variety of virtual backgrounds and the quality of a Zoom interface that has functioned with “zero technical problems whatsoever,” the NYU Stern School of Business announced Thursday that it would transition permanently to a 100% online program beginning with the Fall 2021 Semester.

“It’s been going great!” Dean Raghu Sundaram said in a statement. “Major events in the history of mankind have always prompted significant societal change. While the Covid-19 Pandemic has been a test for all of us, the overwhelming lesson has been that human contact is a meaningless drag on educational progress.

“And not for nothing, but our IT team has really developed a lust for power.”…

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