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Posts published in “Humor”

A Modern Cover Letter

Dear Hiring Manager,

I am writing to express my interest in securing an Associate of Synergies position at your firm. I believe my ultra-competitive, high-stress, and diversified dating experience provides me with the credentials needed to thrive as an Associate. Though I bring none of the relevant 10+ years of experience that you require in your application, I hope to demonstrate that the skills acquired from dating will highlight how I will add value to your team. 

Research and Analysis

Evaluating a potential mate is fraught with uncertainties, poor calculations and….overstatements let’s say. After investing four months into M only to find out he doesn’t believe in evolution, I established a more rigorous background check process before committing any future resources.…

MBA Life Hacks

If there is anything MBA students are good at (besides networking), it’s system optimization.If there is a more efficient way to do something, we will find it. The Oppy asked you to share some of these shortcuts or alternative methods, and you delivered.

During your time at Stern, have you discovered a few tricks you would like to share to help newer MBA students?

“You can see what classes you got into before it’s officially announced if you look at your required textbooks on NYU bookstore Brightspace.”

The only reason to visit the NYU bookstore, we hear.

“When you select classes, say if your preferred class has multiple sections.…

Dear Oppy: March 2022

We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie – “real questions, terrible advice.”

The Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her/their way at oppy@stern.nyu.edu or fill this out, anonymously.

Dear Oppy,

Covid is gone forever and as school opens up I’m ready to roll. With Spring Fling right around the corner, how do I find my Sternie love and ask them to the big dance?

Sincerely,

Spring Thing

Dear Thing,

First of all, you may be getting ahead of yourself.…

Dear Oppy: February 2022

We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie – “real questions, terrible advice.”

The Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her/their way at oppy@stern.nyu.edu or fill this out, anonymously.

Dear Oppy.

Now that I’m done with recruiting, what should I do with all my new free time? I’m so used to having a ridiculously packed schedule, and now I’m bored.

Best,

Aimless & Bored

Dear Aimless,

The answer is clear: Start looking for a new job.…

Dear Oppy: September 2021

We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie – “real questions, terrible advice.”

Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her/their way at oppy@stern.nyu.edu or fill this out, anonymously.

Dear Oppy, 

I have gotten myself into a tale as old as time. I was living life to my fullest value proposition this summer – interning and swiping. My click-through rate on Bumble was exceeding all forecasted impressions. My demand was outweighing supply, if you will. I was an entrepreneur in heat (I’m not entirely sure what that means just yet.

Stern Hobbies: From babybacks to bacon

By Ryan Bedell

As part of our new “Stern Hobbies” series, The Oppy is taking a look at off-the-beaten-path interests among some of our classmates at Stern. If you have a hobby you would like to write about, please e-mail the Oppy at oppy@stern.nyu.edu. Today’s feature comes from Langone student Ryan Bedell.

In 2014, on the island of Jeju off the southern coast of South Korea, my life was forever changed. I could point to the growth that happened in my year there, or the friends I made, or even the severely broken foot I suffered in a rather serious motorcycle accident.…

The Phases of Quarantine (for Non-Essential Workers)

Day 1: This lockdown will be my Hot Girl Quarantine – time to get in shape! 

  • Proceeds to InstaCart – only fresh fruit and veggies, keeping snacks at home is too unsafe. Orders Booty Bands and dumbbells through Amazon. When the groceries and packages get delivered, uses pounds of disinfectant on the outsides of all the bags and packaging. Admires the colorful fridge full of fresh food and the colorful living room full of exercise equipment. 
  • Sets up several Zoom and FaceTime happy hours, it’s just like the real thing!
  • “I can finally put a dent in my long list of Netflix and Hulu shows to watch.

Zoom Drinking Game

This semester has been…something. Going remote in the middle of the semester has been quite the experience and we’ve all had to come up with innovative ways to stay entertained. One of the many ways people have managed to make the best of online classes is by setting up drinking games. Hopefully, we will not be virtual next semester and none of these will have to be used again, but below are some of the rules Sternies have come up with. Enjoy!

Take 1 Sip:

  1. Anytime someone mentions coronavirus
  2. Every time someone says, “Sorry, I was on mute.”
  3. Every time two people talk at the same time, then stop at the same time, and then start speaking at the same time again

Take 2 Sips:

  1. Every time the professor comments on a student’s Zoom background
  2. Every time you join a breakout room

Chug your drink:

  1. If someone starts yelling to their mom/significant other/roommate without realizing they’re not on mute
  2. When someone accidentally messages something on the Zoom chat to the entire class instead of replying privately
  3. If you catch someone else drinking!

The Many Faces of Zoom Backgrounds

What better way to add some excitement to class AND cover up your messy room than a Zoom background?! As we’ve become accustomed to virtual classes, we’ve gotten creative with backgrounds and effects. Here is a taste of some of the backgrounds we’ve seen in classes, complete with the Zoom artists!

A person holding a fish in the water

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Chad Eatinger
A person looking at the camera

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Tim Sterling
A person wearing glasses and smiling at the camera

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Shasanka Pradhan

And finally, for when you really can’t be bothered to look like a human, courtesy of my brother:

A picture containing yellow, green, food, water

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CovidThoughts

Is it possible to feel sorry for cereal? Please, observe this woefully sad cereal aisle.

It has been thoroughly ravaged by us humans. We have first picked the best Cheerios, to the mediocre Oats, even down to third string Corn Flakes, but at Mermaid, we righteously draw the line.

One would happily supplant Mermaid with even wonder bread and spam. It’s barely a question.

But when does the new line need to be drawn? Is it vegemite? Is it baked bean hot dogs?

Where will this pandemic take us?

#covidthoughts #cereallivesmatter #doyourpart #carbohydratediscrimination #socialdistancing #help #hope #love

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