Budweiser’s flagship transport vessel, the Everbeer, became wedged sideways in Egypt’s Suez Canal last week. As it has become increasingly apparent that the boat will not be able to move, a group of activists has spearheaded an initiative to transform the eyesore into a beer garden and restaurant, a la Frying Pan at Pier 66.
The group of activists, backed by Kendall Jenner, are eager to get the EverBeerGarden open for business and are working with officials in Egypt about acquiring ownership of the canal. According to a source close to The Oppy, the goal is to privatize the Suez Canal and auction portions of it via NFTs. Although the canal supports 12% of global trade, Jenner is willing to dip into her own pockets to subsidize affected companies until the NFT auction.
Opponents of the project say that Jenner is using this opportunity as a scheme for her to unload cases of her spoiled 818 Tequila that were stuck on a vessel behind the EverBeer. The Oppy is planning on sending investigative journalists to the scene to taste test the tequila and results will be posted in a follow up article. Further fueling this rumor, a now-deleted tweet by Kanye West stated that Kris Jenner has already started on plans to create a Kardashian-Jenner compound in Egypt.
Representatives from Budweiser, Busch, Michelob, Natty Light, Corona, Modelo, Stella, Becks, Leffe, or 818 Tequila were not available for comment.
Updates with NFT auction date and tequila taste results to follow…..
If you have any insider information regarding the opening of EverBeerGarden, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Disclaimer: This article is part of our April Fool’s issue and does not have any truth to it. Its purpose is not to cause offense but to bring some laughs,or at least an eyeroll, during these weird times.