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Dear Oppy: November 2020

We are proud to continue our agony advice column, Dear Oppy: B-School Advice for the Everyday Sternie.

Oppy can be quite Stern at times but is here to answer the queries and qualms of all MBA students so send them his/her way at oppy@stern.nyu.edu.

Dear Oppy,

I’m so nervous for virtual recruiting this year. In addition to the stress of normal years, Zoom is adding another layer of complexity. What should my background look like? When should I go on mute? And most importantly, what should I wear? 

Anxiously,

Gloom and Zoom

Dear Gloom,

The key to impressing at a recruiting event is standing out while also demonstrating professional fit with the company’s culture. To demonstrate that fit, invest in a nice, tailored blazer and wear it on zoom. But to set yourself apart you need to get creative. And nothing stands out like bare skin. A shockingly hairy chest is sure to grab the recruiter’s attention, as is a pair of proudly liberated boobs. Extra points if you can pull off both!

Best of luck,

Oppy

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Dear Oppy,

I’m sick of wearing a mask. Covid’s not even a big deal – our great president even got it and was perfectly fine. What’s with these NYU libtards?

-Freedom Fred

Dear Fred,

Antimaskers, such as you, usually have much more efficient ways to kill multiple people. Why don’t you just use one of your guns?

Oppy

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Dear Oppy,

I was a part of that Zoom breakout group in the class that girl made a fool of herself by talking ish about us in the group chat. We were not “literally the worst” or “idiotic nimbiciles.” Is it our problem that we were so passionate about the question that we could not accomplish the full assignment in such a short turnaround? No!

I appreciated what you said. She is a jerk, but guess what? She did not drop the class. Now, I have to stare at her smug face for three hours every week. I wish we could do peer evaluation on classmates like we can with professors. She would get 1’s across the board.

Best,

Gruntled Groupie

Dear Groupie,

Please. Get. A. Life. “Literally,” no one cares.

Best,

Oppy 

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Photo credit: https://makeameme.org/meme/ive-got-a-5b566d

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