Who moved my Paneer? An International Student’s Musings on New York

Hem Chander, MBA Class of 2017Hem Chander, MBA Class of 2017

For the four of you who were desperately waiting for my column, I apologize for the delay. Last week all the Johns/Jons, Joshs, Mikes/Michaels, Charles, Gregs, Sarahs, Kellys, Lauras and Alexs decided to welcome me to US, New York style; which I assumed was treating me to pizza that hasn’t been stolen by a rat. Yet. But, they took me to a dark alley and beat me up.  Their gentle punches and kicks showed me the genuine appreciation they had for my column. Thanks guys, it’s nice to be in New York with you. But, the path of hard-hitting journalism is filled but with many obstacles, so I am back again with my piercing insights.

Museums are cool: Something about the word “free” makes you try stuff that you have spent your entire life dissociating from. Sample conversation:

Me: Want to go to the Museum of Modern Art?

Person: Ugh. Museum? Isn’t that reserved for phonies and ancient people?

Me: Entry is free.

30 minutes later…

Person posts a selfie on Facebook with the caption:

“Being cultured today. Lol #moma #sundayfunday #canimeetgatsbynow #giveleodicaprioanoscaralready”.

American dramas and concept of doors: So I was “Netflixing and chilling”, running through the entire catalogue of Netflix, because why not? I couldn’t help but notice that characters in dramas don’t understand the concept of “locking” the doors. Everyone barges into each other to create the big reveal.

“Don’t know who The Flash is? That’s simple, just walk into STAR Labs and see for yourself. Sure, STAR Labs built a f@#$ing time machine but forgot to build a door”

“Don’t lock your car. Just let the investigating officer reach in and get that gun in order to frame you, sure”

“We’ll get freaky tonight, but won’t lock the door… because my roommate just HAS to find out that I am “fighting body parts” with their partner. Otherwise, how will we have material for another 100 episodes?”

Halloween is cool: Sure, I don’t really understand why I am seeing a family of ghosts floating by while biting into a pizza not stolen by a rat, but I dig it. I also understand why the zombie apocalypse will never hit India. I tried wearing zombie makeup on myself and all the sweat dissolved it. After 15 minutes, my skin was smooth, without a sign of makeup. Our skin just exfoliates naturally.

Fall: God, this city looks beautiful in fall.

Game of Thrones: OK. This has nothing to do with New York. BUT, what is wrong with that show?! Jon Snow constantly repeats, “Winter is coming” while standing in 15 INCHES OF SNOW! HOW MUCH MORE WINTER DO YOU WANT?!! For crying out loud, your last name is SNOW, you should be the FIRST person to understand that when there is snow all around you, WINTER IS ALREADY HERE! UGH.

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