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Food for Thought7 min read

Sonia Petecka, MBA Class of 2014

In thinking about my contribution for the Oppy I was considering writing a gossip column, but I figured most people know most things about each other at Stern and it would probably cause more drama than good. [For the record, we are extremely interested in submissions that cause more drama than good – Ed.] So I decided that maybe what Stern needs is a little more peace and mindfulness in the mix with the overwhelming amount of daily activity. Probably less of a sexy topic, but I wanted to share with you a little bit about my spiritual journey.

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I’ve always been interested in the meaning of life, psychology and basically how to lead the happiest life possible. I’ve been fascinated by meditation and the power of thoughts in creating our reality. I devoured the writings of Anthony de Mello, Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks as well as the Tao Te Ching and vowed to go to an Ashram in India to meditate for a few weeks (still on my to-do list).

This summer since I was not working investment banking hours and had a bit of free time on my hands I decided to devote more time to my spiritual quest. Several events in my life, including one of my relatives getting sick and me not getting a consulting internship, were also catalysts for me to reflect on how I was living my life. Even though I considered myself self-aware, I discovered I was pretty lost when things weren’t going the way I had planned.

For my birthday (after a good dose of Stern-style celebrating) my mom took me on a retreat to the Omega Institute to Rhinebeck, New York. There I got to be around people, who would probably be considered weirdos at Stern: a couple of lamas, yogis and various spiritual types. It was actually really refreshing to take a few days out of my crazy NYC lifestyle and sit my butt down to be quiet in a beautiful setting. Since there were a lot of people from New York there, they recommended some places in the city where I could attend workshops and practice meditation (among others the Open Center of NY and the Art of Living Center of NY, both of which offer free meditation and yoga classes).

In the past I mostly meditated because I thought I should, but I didn’t really like it. I knew there were many scientifically proven benefits to meditation – it lowers stress, reduces anxiety, blood pressure etc. One recent study of students taking the GRE showed that because they meditated for 10 minutes a day for two weeks just by focusing on their breathing, their average GRE scores went up from 460 to 520 (the paper “Mindfulness Training Improves Working Memory Capacity and GRE Performance While Reducing Mind Wandering” was conducted at University of California, Santa Barbara and published in the journal of Psychological Science). Many other studies have shown that meditation improves focus and task performance. Pretty amazing, but I was not convinced that it would work for me.

Being an ambitious Sternie, not willing to accept defeat, I wasn’t going to give up on meditating (not realizing that meditation is actually about letting go and the lack of trying). I went to free meditation classes at the centers people recommended, discovered the NYU Center for Spiritual life (they offer free yoga and meditation classes almost every day, as well as different workshops, check out nyuofmany.org), took Pilates on the Hudson and Yoga in Bryant Park. However I didn’t seem to notice any improvement at first. I did meet a lot of people who were willing to talk about these subjects and I discovered that everyone has really the same issues of being ego – and fear –driven, feeling not good enough, having too many stressful and anxious thoughts etc. It made me feel like I wasn’t the only one with a crazy “monkey mind.”

Finally at the end of the summer, I decided to fully commit to my practice and meditate in the morning and at night for about 20 minutes. I was told that like any exercise meditation works best when you do it regularly (which is why it’s called a practice). I also started reading Gabrielle Bernstein’s book “May Cause Miracles” which is a 42-day program of meditation, affirmations and bringing awareness to your ego-based approach to life. I developed my own exercise of writing down the things I was grateful for at the end of each day, which made me focus on what I have instead of always fixating on what’s lacking. The simplest things ended up on my list, for example: coffee in the morning or my bed or someone smiling at me on the subway (that actually is quite unusual in New York).

Ever since I have decided to be more disciplined about my practice I have noticed many small yet miraculous shifts. I began to feel more chilled out more of the time and more resilient when things weren’t going well. I am happier and more grateful for everything in my life. I noticed how I criticized myself in my mind, compared myself to other people and judged others (as the ego wants to either make itself more special or idealizes others creating separation). Now I’m a little more aware of the fact that we are all in this world together and we are all equal. I’ve been willing to forgive myself and people who hurt me in the past.

A few weeks ago I also attended Gabrielle Bernstein’s lecture about “Living in the Know” which was about being guided by your intuition, trusting the universe a little more and realizing that your have a choice in how you view the world – either from the perspective of fear or love. Her words “Your greatest service is in being not doing” shifted my attitude from always having to achieve and effort to going with the flow more. The feeling of a chanting meditation done with 100 people in the room was truly amazing. If you’re interested check out Gabrielle’s website at gabbyb.tv. She has a pretty interesting story of transforming her life from a codependent party girl addicted to alcohol and drugs to the awesome, spiritual and empowered woman she is today.

I realize this might be way too crazy for some of you, but I encourage you to reflect a little more and maybe even try meditation if you feel like it. Confucius said: “By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

Most people have this misconception about meditation that it’s hard or boring. However I’ve heard it described as “The art of doing nothing” or just “being present in the moment without judgment.” I realize doing nothing might not be the most popular form or entertainment at Stern, but why not stay open and give it a try. It definitely feels peaceful when you stop the mind chatter, stop thinking about the past and the future, stop the effort and allow yourself to just be for a while. Perhaps you can attempt bringing a little more mindfulness to your eating – noticing the flavors of your food or noticing the buildings around you while walking to school. You can actually meditate doing anything as long as you stay focused on your task and the present moment.

I feel like we are all eventually forced to reevaluate our lives especially when things aren’t going as well as we want them to – we don’t get that job or the guy and we feel disappointed and insecure. It’s especially hard because we are conditioned to tie our self-worth to our external circumstances instead of an internal sense of knowing. These difficult moments of are a really good opportunity to look inside and see what we might have been denying and what resentments we might be holding onto. If this is the time for you, you will know and will be guided to the right resources (you can also just come talk to me).

Finally a little anecdote: Buddha was asked: “What have you gained from Meditation?” He replied: “Nothing.” “However”, Buddha said, “let me tell you what I lost: Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Insecurity, Fear of Old, Age and Death.”

In the meantime I am really no guru – I’m still a pretty regular Stern MBA – learning modeling and valuation, recruiting, heading to beer blast on Thursday nights and sometimes acting in not-so-spiritual ways. The only difference is that now I sit down a little more often to quiet my mind and be present and I am starting to love it more and more.

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